As you know, I adored my babies. They were the sun and moon. I wanted to spend every moment with them. Bill and I fought every day on the way home from work because he wanted to stop and get the mail and I resented the extra 15 seconds away from my darlings.
But about the time they hit their teens, I developed a severe case of late-onset postpartum depression. The symptom was an overwhelming desire to kill them. It is not as uncommon as you might think. I fought it successfully keeping my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Until the time Daphne got pregnant at 17. The light blinked out. No emancipation for me. Oh, the irony of realizing that if I had just given in to my urges I would probably be up for parole by now. That not killing your children is the real life without parole.
So, I have been in a real funk lately. The late-onset postpartum put me at high risk for its sister disease nonpartum depression. Nonpartum depression is one of those diseases that no one talks about. Unlike the empty nest syndrome, which is socially acceptable, nonpartum is considered unwomanly and shameful. It is caused by the realization that no amount of rehab is going to get your kid out of your house.
Move and don't leave a forwarding address.
ReplyDeleteHey sis,there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Small ray of light but there is one.
ReplyDeleteHope Evan and April can do their thing. I have been standing in the back ground watching and listening...the light is on!!!!